There are quotes, and sayings, stories and lessons that all try and teach us how to deal with this life. These words of wisdom are often uplifting, reassuring and helpful, the only problem is they are also almost always contraditions. We are told that love is never ending, but then told that when our heart is broken to be patient because it'll heal. We are told that if you love something you should let it go but also that love doesn't run. We're told to fight for love but that love shouldn't be so hard. We're told to put those we love first but to protect our hearts. How do we do all of this at the same time? How do we know which route is the right way to go? And how on earth do we survive in a world where whatever path we take leaves us aching?
As women we learned early that to be a good friend you pull out whatever word of wisdom will make our friends stop hurting. So if the cute guy on the basketball team smiles at her we tell her that he obviously wants her because that's what she wants to hear, and then when he breaks her heart by dating a cheerleader we tell her that he's shallow and a jerk, even if he isn't. We all also require this reassurance. We want to hear that the guy we like is a catch, and then when he hurts us we want to hear that we deserve better. We are one messed up group.
Obviously, this is not the first time I've thought about this twisted confusing philosphy of holding tight to the inspirational quote that gives us what we want. However, a combination of the choices I need to make in my life right now, and (a little embarassingly) last nights episode of The Bachelor Pad 2, I can't get this frustration out of my head.
The quick rundown of the BP2 situation is that exes are on the show and while they are both sad about the situation one is beginning to move on while the other is realizing just how much they should be together. The question keeps coming up, why do we not realize what we have until it's gone? Both contestants are sweet people who genuinely love(d) each other (they met outside of the show) and it is heartbreaking to see them hurt. But who's side do you take in this situtation? The girl who was and is heartbroken who meets someone new and is trying to mend her broken heart or the guy who was scared and ended the relationship but is just as heartbroken and aching to have her back? Ideally they would forgive each other and begin again both learning from their past mistakes, walking off into the sunset together, and never again taking their love for granted.
But lets be honest that happens what like never? The precentage is probably in the negatives. People don't easily forgive and never forget. Past mistakes resurface in arguments and things are never quite the same again. So can we make mistakes, we are all human and are going to make them, and still honestly live to love another day?
I'm begging, pleading, bartering, and praying that it's possible. I'm honestly not sure I want to be a part of this game if there can't ever be a winner. I'm a romantic to the core. I believe in the kind of love that moves mountains and I have never even considered settling for less. Problem is I'm there. Mountains are moving, heavens are singing, hearts are a flutter, and souls have found their mates. However it's not as easy as starring blissfully into each other's eyes or holding hands and skipping into the moon light (the image of him skipping just made me giggle out loud). We've got life to deal with and it ain't easy. We've tried about every route we can, believe me we've fought so hard for this love that we've both lost our voices.
So what is left to do? I believe 100% in putting it in God's hands but there's no place to wait patiently. We still have to live everyday with the pain and uncertainty. I'm a living example that things work themselves out but we do have to make choices each day that help that happen. Deciding to let someone go doesn't mean that you stop loving them. Moving on doesn't mean you ever really got your heart back. And once those souls have met, you sure ain't getting that thing back. And who would actually want to?
One quote that's stood up through it all...
"If love was a choice, who would ever choose such exquisite pain?"
~Anna and the King
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