So Much

So much can happen so fast. 

A year ago I was just beginning a vacation that would include a lake house on Lake Norman in North Carolina and a house boat on Dale Hollow Lake in Tennessee.  The trip lasted two weeks and was made up of more than a dozen people including six solidiers from the US Army just returning from their deployment.  One of those Army boys was the hilariously funny, incredibly sweet, painfully charming person who had dragged me along for this crazy fun ride.  The stories I could tell would make anyone laugh out loud and the time we all spent together was wonderful. 

The reason why this memory is so important and this year seems so strange is that that funny, sweet, charming guy isn't here anymore.  He was killed in a car accident four months ago.  It happened so fast.  One moment he was here laughing and then he was gone. 

In a heart beat the invincibility of everyone I knew was showing it's cracks.  Everyday is precious and what we don't say today may never have a chance to be said.  I'm in this scary place where I fear the loss of everyone I love.  I want to lock my self in a room with my Friends and Grey's DVD's, a lifetime supply of Reese's and Dr. Pepper, and the love of my life.  I don't want to waste another second.  Sounds good right (believe me if you saw this guy you'd think it sounded like heaven) but the problem is the rest of the world isn't in super seize the day mode like me.  My bosses think I still need to go to work, my landlord and electric companies still want paid, and my body still requires more suppliment then caffeine, chocolate and peanut butter (I'm wearing it down though) and this beautiful guy I love, well he's got all kinds of responsibilities too.

So how do I make every second count when most of them are spent doing things I don't enjoy and the chance of making any actual changes is about as high as me going 24 hours without candy?  I guess I just keep looking for the moments where I can tell people I love them and the opportunities to accomplish my dreams.  On that note, I'm going to order that new pair of shoes...who needs electricity anyway?